Fatherhood Lessons (Part 1)...

A couple weeks ago I shared a sermon on father-child relationships.  The key idea was that, when it comes to raising our children, "more is caught than taught."  Our children will often remember and mimic our responses, tones and emotions...  More than what we say, they'll grow up (most likely) resembling what we have done...

I got a bit short on time that morning, but wanted to share a few thoughts - some practical "how to's" when it comes to addressing this critical need in our society today.  If we want the family to flourish, it's important we have healthy homes (or I'd jokingly suggest: at least minimize the dysfunction as much as possible).  Here are some "Lessons on Fatherhood" that I've researched from various sources that might be of help to all dads (part 1 in this blog with part 2 to come later):

- Lesson #1: Children are precious gifts from God.  I love this Scripture passage from the Psalms: Psalm 127:3b - "Children are a reward from God."  As the father of 4 children (3 boys and a girl) I can't begin to think of what I would have missed in life without them.  Yes, my wife and I have made sacrifices, but our children are undeserved blessings from God.  I get the privilege to love them, and they keep my life in perspective.

- Lesson #2: Children must be loved unconditionally...and they must know that.  A child must NEVER feel as if they have to "earn" the love of their parents.  Our love for our children should mimic the pattern of God's love for His children: it's not by works - it's by something powerful called "grace."  Dad, if you give your children the love of Christ, you've given them the greatest sense of security they'll ever know...

- Lesson #3: Children must see you love your wife.  My kids know that sometimes I get angry, moody, upset or frustrated.  They know I'm not a perfect father or husband.  But if you asked them what I think of my wife, I know what they'd say: "My dad loves my mom."  Dads, you can't just take your children's mom for granted - your kids need to HEAR you express that love, and SEE that love expressed.  One day I want my boys, if they marry, to love their wife.  And I want my daughter, should she also marry, to find a man who treats her like a princess...  They'll best learn how to do that from me...

- Lesson #4: Time can never be recaptured.  My oldest son will become a teenager this December.  13 years later, I can honestly say this: I REMEMBER where most of that time went because I was THERE for him (along with my other 3 children).  Ministry is often about the wise allocation of time - knowing not only when to say yes, but when to say NO.  I love my church...but I refuse to sacrifice my family for my ministry.  I make it a point to INVEST time with my kids because I don't know how much I've got.  And I also know that once it's gone, it can never be recaptured...ever.  Dad, the same is true for you...

- Lesson #5: Proper discipline is a sign of love.  Dad, what would become of your home if there were no boundaries?  And dad, let me ask you this: do you think you'll be able to ONE DAY discipline your child, having not done so for their formative years while growing up as young children?  Maybe we've forgotten the powerful admonition of Hebrews 12:5-11 (The Message): "Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?

My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline,
    but don’t be crushed by it either.
It’s the child he loves that he disciplines;
    the child he embraces, he also corrects.

God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God."  Discipline, when done properly, is a sign of love.  Want to show your children how much you despise them?  Just let them do their own thing in life, with no repercussions...

- Lesson #6: Encouragement builds up a child.   There's a trend I see that bothers me: we're moving away from the idea of winning and losing.  We've become an "everyone gets a ribbon" type of society, in which a "Certificate of Participation" has become the norm.  Why?  We want to build up a child's self-esteem.  (Wise parents insert laughter here).  Dad, please hear this: that's not encouragement - that's called "patronizing."  Don't do that.  Some of the greatest lessons I learned in life was through losing...  Why?  Because of something called "encouragement."  Yes, when my kids fail, it hurts...  But, that opens up tremendous doors of opportunity to encouragement them.  Handing them a ribbon for failure doesn't help them.  It's when I recognize the moment, helping them see how they failed, and then helping them back on their feet...

(Stay tuned for part 2 - coming soon).  Mike

The Praying Church...

I've had the privilege to lead a Wednesday night Bible Study called "The Church on Fire."  The focus is on the first 14 chapters of Acts.  We've wrestled with a number of topics from this book of church history, and of the many powerful truths that are contained with the pages of this story, one that clearly stands out is PRAYER...

The early church was founded upon prayer...  It was the life-blood of the first disciples of Christ...  Woven into the fabric of the early believers DNA was a necessity for prayer - but not a business-as-usual approach...  No, they sought out prayer as the POWER behind each endeavor: evangelizing the lost, persevering through persecution, equipping the saints...

We would be wise to consider their approach & model their example...  If we want to have a resemblance to our beginnings, we don't need better books with the latest church growth ideas or more dynamic preachers or the newest worship fads...  We simply need to follow their example and become a people dedicated to prayer.

Take some time and consider the following passages, allowing yourself to meditate on each narrative regarding the purpose & power of prayer in the early church...

- Acts 1:14: Many Christ-followers joined together constantly in prayer in the upper room.

- Acts 1:24: They prayed before selecting a new apostle.

- Acts 2:42: The new believers "devoted" themselves to prayer...

- Acts 3:1: Peter and John were going to the temple at the time of afternoon prayer.

- Acts 4:24: When Peter and John were released from confinement, they "raised their voices together in prayer to God."

- Acts 4:31: After a time of prayer, the place where they were meeting was shaken.

- Acts 6:4: The apostles delegated service needs so they could focus on "prayer" and the "ministry of the Word."

- Acts 7:59-60: Stephen prayed (for his persecutors) that the Lord would not hold their sin against them.

- Acts 8:22: Peter said to Simon to "repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord..."

- Acts 8:24: Simon also asked for prayer in return.

- Acts 9:11: While Saul was blinded in Tarsus he was praying (makes sense!).

- Acts 9:40: Peter... "got down on his knees and prayed."

- Acts 10:2: Cornelius was a man who "prayed to God regularly."

- Acts 10:4: Cornelius' prayers and gifts to the poor went up to the Lord as a memorial offering...

- Acts 10:9: Peter went up on the roof to pray.

- Acts 10:31: Cornelius' prayers were confirmed, as he was told, "God has heard your prayer and remembered your gifts to the poor."

- Acts 11:5: Peter was in the city of Joppa...praying.

- Acts 12:5: Peter was kept in prison, but the church was "earnestly praying to God for him..."

- Acts 12:12: Peter went to the house of Mary...where "many people had gathered and were praying."

- Acts 13:3: "After they had fasted and prayed, they placed their hands on them (Paul & Barnabas)" and sent them on their mission trip.

- Acts 14:23: Paul and Barnabas appointed elders for them in each church and, with prayer and fasting, committed them to the Lord, in whom they had put their trust.

- Acts 16:13: During a time of travel, they "expected to find a place of prayer"...  They sat down and began to speak & share with a group of women who had gathered there.

- Acts 16:16: On their way to "a place of prayer" they were met by a slave girl...

- Acts 16:25: About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them.

- Acts 20:36: Paul knelt down and led a group of people together in prayer.

- Acts 22:17: When Paul returned to Jerusalem he was praying at the temple...

- Acts 26:29: Paul replied, "short time or long - I pray to God that not only you but all who are listening to me today may become what I am, except for these chains..."

- Acts 27:35: Paul gave thanks to God before a crowd of people...

- Acts 28:8: While on an island, Paul visited with the father of an official there and placed his hands on him and healed him through prayer.

Quite an impressive list!  Will the church you attend be a PRAYING CHURCH?

YOU can make that happen...

Mike

Being... Not Doing...

There are two questions that are commonly asked regarding worship / church attendance:

1) Why should people go to church or attend services?

2) Why do people choose not to attend church services?

But let me ask a third, more important question: What should I NOT do when I attend services?

You see, I could give you a lengthy list of the benefits of attending worship, which covers the first question.  And I could also give you plenty of reasons why people don't attend services today - the church has done a lot wrong over the years, which in turn, causes people to see Her blemishes & flaws and keeps them away (which answers the second question).  But that's not my intention with this post...

I want to consider another idea: when people attend services with a heart not ready and prepared to worship...

When Christians get caught up in "DOING" instead of just "BEING" - well, something gets radically wrong.  Still not following me?  Allow me to elaborate...

- The person who shows up, and the first thing they do when they walk through the door is COMPLAIN.  They automatically see something wrong...  An item is out of place; the temperature isn't right; something got moved on a table or to another table in close proximity.  They get caught up on their weekly gossip.  (Stuff like this, which causes me to scratch my head and wonder how in the world THIS was the first thing they thought of...  Also knowing there was no way they came prayerfully prepared for what Sunday is all about).

- The person who shows up, and the first thing they do when they walk through door is WORK.  They don't take time to see the people walking close by - they've got something to get done, and no time to waste. There are TASKS to be done & jobs to do, and to the person with this mindset, tasks always trump relationships.  They see something that needs fixed or finalized, and they immediately get to work...

- The person who shows up, and the first thing they do when they walk through the door is WITHDRAW.  They never really smile much...  They go immediately to their seat...surrounded by people, yet totally unaware of them.  They don't realize that a smile conveys a natural love, a face that reveals a philosophy of Christian kindness...  Oh, I suppose you have to give them credit: they did show up, and I guess that should count for something in the "big attendance book in the sky" - but the problem is PERCEPTION: they don't understand that we are known (says John 13:35) by our LOVE.  Love doesn't just take a bulletin and a seat, and sits silently in isolation.  Love calls for warmth, fellowship, and a countenance of joy.  Sure, we're not always "happy" - even on Sunday mornings.  But it's not always about me, and if I withdraw from people, even when I'm surrounded by them, what does this say about my concept of "loving one another that reveals my love for God"? (See Mark 12:28-33).

- The person who shows up, and the first thing they do when they walk through the door is WORSHIP.  This is the person who understands that ALL of life is worship.  They understand that true worship is NOT contained to a (preferred) style of music or inside of a building topped with a steeple.  They've latched onto what Paul wrote in Romans 12:1-3: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — His good, pleasing and perfect will.  For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you."


Do you see what he's saying?  EVERYTHING we do in life is worship...  When I offer my BODY as a "living sacrifice" I don't view Sunday as a list of tasks, complaints, or seclusion and avoidance (simply tolerating people).  I view Sunday as a natural extension of everything I am in life: a Christ-follower saved by grace, who lives in grace, and offers grace.  My first thought is grace, not pace...

How about this: when you show up for the assembly this Sunday, try living out this:

"Be still, and know that I am God..." - Psalm 46:10a

"Come near to God and he will come near to you." - James 4:8a

Be still...  Come near to Him...  Meaning: just SOAK HIM UP...  Don't get caught up in anything else but being in the presence of God, and letting His love flow in every thought and deed...  Yes, there are things that have to be done on Sundays...I fully understand that.  But let's not get caught up in doing...let's just get caught up in being...

Mike

The Ending...

Though I've watched the movie several times before, "Castaway" was being shown last night and I had to view it yet again.  I've always been fascinated by the uniqueness of the story-line and that for long stretches of time there is no dialogue.  Much of the story is told, not in conversational tones, but in pictures & imagery of a man isolated on an island.  (If you're not familiar with the movie, it debuted during Christmas of 2000.  Tom Hanks' character works for Fed Ex, and during an overseas flight his plane crashes.  He is the lone survivor of a very small crew and finds himself marooned on a deserted island.  More than 4 years later he finally is rescued after creating a crude raft, having nearly given up.  He now must begin the process of assimilating himself back into society when everyone believed he was dead.  The woman he loved has moved on in life, having married & started a family.  It creates an added struggle within the context of the plot.)

But here is what's interesting: Fox Movie Channel had someone providing background information of the "behind the scenes" elements of the movie.  He spoke of how the scenes were shot, how there was no music for the large majority of time (a unique approach to music scoring), and the emotional tie created between the main character (Hanks) and a volleyball affectionately named "Wilson."  Following the movie he spoke of the ambiguous ending - and - how a certain scene was removed during the editing process because, it was believed, it would create the emotion too soon.  The removed scene would be replaced...
  

That led to a unique twist in creating the final cut: a scene was shot ONE YEAR later, after the entire movie had been completed, that would create the single-most important emotional aspect of the movie.  Tom Hanks was sitting alone with a friend, speaking of the love he had lost in his life.  It's THIS scene that ties the whole movie together...and it was added well after it was believed the finished product had been completed.

Our lives are sometimes a parallel story...  We make our plans, trusting in both God's leading and our discernment.  The outcomes are always unknown: true love is found...  a potential unhealthy relationship is averted...  destinations lead to desired arrivals...  or plans fail...  Times when we are marooned on an island, feeling isolated from others...  It's a wide array of things.

There are no guarantees in life, and sometimes the ending is ambiguous, emotional, lonely or uncertain.  Sometimes good; sometimes bad.  And as the scenes of your life are unfolding, you might be in a confused state right now...  The plans that YOU would have chosen didn't quite pan out: a career change...  a relationship that ended on a sour note...  a child with physical or mental disabilities...  circumstances that just don't quite seem to add up...

Here's my hope: GOD knows the outcome...  He sees all this from beginning to end, and He knows what He's doing.  It happened with Job & his pain and losses...  With Noah's ark & flood, and the many unrepentant in between the hammers & sermons...  With Moses, from burning bush to parted sea & complaining people unhappy with his leadership...  With Ezekiel & the sudden death of his wife, and God's temple object lesson...  With Stephen's selection to his stoning, and a persecuted & saddened church witnessing his martyrdom... 

In the midst of these stories are emotional & relational conflicts, joy & pain, happiness & heartache...  The same is true with your story...  But there is that one scene in life where we MUST come to grips with our present reality.  We have to understand that a relationship with Christ doesn't remove all the bad things from life.  But it gives us an anchor of hope...  And sometimes it's not until the ending that it makes sense...

If this is where you are, take some time to meditate on Romans 8:18-39...  Read it slowly, measuring each verse.  And then pray about the way these words impact your story, no matter what scene is currently unfolding...

¹⁸ I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹ The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. ²⁰ For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹ that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

²² We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³ Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first-fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴ For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹ For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰ And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son,but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³ Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life — is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Mike

Losing...

I don't know about you, but I HATE to lose...

I hate it when my favorite teams lose a game, especially in the playoffs - the finality of it all just hurts too much.  I hate it when my kids fail - not so much for my sake, but for theirs.  The look of disappointment and their emotional response tugs at the heartstrings of any parent who witnesses their child come up short in life.  I hate it when I see the people in my church fail...  They don't always see it, but they could have done so much better in some area.  Or, sometimes it's an issue outside of their control, and failure is the outcome: failed marriages, prodigal children, financial mismanagement, poorly thought out choices.  And the list goes on...

Why do I hate losing?  Because I have strong passions in life...  I don't just root for THE Ohio State Buckeyes - I literally play the game with them (well, that might be a stretch - but you get my drift).  I grew up a Larry Bird fan - or better put: fanatic.  When the 80's & 90's Celtics lost, I was devastated...almost in shock.  As a lifelong Steelers fan, I've seen the good & the bad - rode on every emotional roller coaster with them from Noll to Cowher to Tomlin...  And as a Cleveland Indians fan, I put myself through agony 162 days out of the year (and back when they made the playoffs years ago, it only got worse: each pitch, each swing of the bat, each putout - you're quickly learning I'm messed up)...

In 1997, Edgar Renteria laced a line-drive off Charlie Nagy, who was pitching in relief, to score the winning run for the Marlins (yeah, that team) in Game 7 of the World Series.  I sat there numb for probably an hour...

So, why do I hate losing?  Because of what it represents: someone wasn't good enough.  When given the moment to shine, the outcome was the less desirable...by a LONG shot.  The emotion: heartache, letdown, bottoming out - however one wants to describe it...  But somebody succeeded and somebody failed...  I always believed, whether I was watching my team play or playing the game myself - somehow, some way, we would find a way to win...

But it doesn't always work that way...

God has given us a choice...  It's rather simple, yet complex.  We can either choose to love Him - or - we can choose to disregard Him.  It takes faith, and for many, it's a risk not worth taking.  I believe in a God who gives us every opportunity to acknowledge His love & grace - to choose Him (and His reward of heaven) over the letdowns of the "rewards" of earth.  But I know many who won't...  I believe in the end they will lose...  And because of that, I find myself devastated...  I can't choose for them, but I can pray for them...be an example for them...and hopefully show them that Christianity is not a bunch of stuffy people following a bunch of rigid rules, led by a dictator-God who knows when you're naughty or nice...  I can only show them the path that I believe, by faith, will lead us to a place that is truly "home."

The Bible puts it this way:

⁹ The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
¹⁰ But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.
¹¹ Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives... - 2 Peter 3:9-11

Like I said, I hate seeing people lose...

Mike

Yesterday... Today... Tomorrow...

The Beatles have a song that I'm guessing you've heard at some point in your life (it's only been with us since 1965)...

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday..."

(You'll probably have that tune stuck in your head for awhile).  But many of us have a song we're familiar with too...  And it sounds eerily familiar to the song above: "Oh, I believe in yesterday..."

If given the choice of living in the unknown or known, many would choose the latter.  It's something we can wrap our arms around, to a certain degree it's understood, and (if we're being honest) we're probably more comfortable with where we've been than where we're going...

We're not alone...  The Israelites were freed from a life of HARD labor & hundreds of years of slavery, but soon told Moses they wanted to go back.  Why?  Because the unknowns of today & tomorrow get tough.  And in our foolish, simple minds we quickly forget how bad some things are.  But when the ordinary sets in, even if it's not good for us, even painful, we would sometimes rather go back because of one thing: familiarity.

I have a problem with this...  So does God.  Living in the past requires NO faith.  It never stretches us... challenges us...  moves us to learn something new.  What happens when you find yourself never being challenged, stretched or taught?  Spiritually speaking: you die...  It's a slow, slippery slope of becoming an arid desert of selfishness, isolation & fear.  We don't see it immediately - it takes time for the results to show.  But it shows up in time...

And it's a hard place to get unstuck from...

This is why I'm writing this blog.  For years I've said there were certain disciplines I would undertake, but (to borrow & paraphrase): "yesterday was such an easy game to play."

Maybe that's where you are: stuck in the ordinary & familiar; fearful of trying something new...  fearful of BECOMING SOMEONE new.

If so, meditate on these two Scriptures & pray over them... Consider how they impact your today & tomorrow...

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23


"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see ... And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." - Hebrews 11:1, 6

Mike

Refreshed...

You would think that because I'm in the ministry that certain things would be a given...  It would automatically be assumed that I spend hours and hours in prayer, Bible reading - a devotional time that would make the apostle Paul blush in embarrassment (he might write numerous Bible books, but I've got the devotional life market cornered!!).  But that's simply not the case...

20 years into this and I'm still trying to figure things out; things I should be able to do out of habit...  The problem is that you can't give to others what you haven't quite latched onto for yourself.  The outflow of ministry must begin with the inflow of God's refreshment.  And the Bible clarifies that comes from repentance - a change in who we are, which allows God to really do thru us what He intends to do.

The problem?  For me - I tend to fight and resist...  And I wonder why I never find what God wants me to discover...

"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord" - Acts 3:19

This past summer I attended the North American Christian Convention with my family.  The verse noted above was a key passage, which developed the theme "REFRESHED."  I'll admit I went to this conference anything but refreshed..  And I came home from it, still in a fog, still stressed, still fighting, still searching...

So there's a challenge I must discipline myself to take upon my heart: find God's best for me...and that will come by doing two simple things - things that I find very difficult: consistent Bible reading & a sustained prayer life.

That's my challenge...  And just maybe that's your challenge too...

Don't be afraid to admit this...  You'll never find refreshment until you come clean (repent), find forgiveness (sins wiped out), and walk in grace (times of refreshing)...

Mike