Fatherhood Lessons (Part 1)...

A couple weeks ago I shared a sermon on father-child relationships.  The key idea was that, when it comes to raising our children, "more is caught than taught."  Our children will often remember and mimic our responses, tones and emotions...  More than what we say, they'll grow up (most likely) resembling what we have done...

I got a bit short on time that morning, but wanted to share a few thoughts - some practical "how to's" when it comes to addressing this critical need in our society today.  If we want the family to flourish, it's important we have healthy homes (or I'd jokingly suggest: at least minimize the dysfunction as much as possible).  Here are some "Lessons on Fatherhood" that I've researched from various sources that might be of help to all dads (part 1 in this blog with part 2 to come later):

- Lesson #1: Children are precious gifts from God.  I love this Scripture passage from the Psalms: Psalm 127:3b - "Children are a reward from God."  As the father of 4 children (3 boys and a girl) I can't begin to think of what I would have missed in life without them.  Yes, my wife and I have made sacrifices, but our children are undeserved blessings from God.  I get the privilege to love them, and they keep my life in perspective.

- Lesson #2: Children must be loved unconditionally...and they must know that.  A child must NEVER feel as if they have to "earn" the love of their parents.  Our love for our children should mimic the pattern of God's love for His children: it's not by works - it's by something powerful called "grace."  Dad, if you give your children the love of Christ, you've given them the greatest sense of security they'll ever know...

- Lesson #3: Children must see you love your wife.  My kids know that sometimes I get angry, moody, upset or frustrated.  They know I'm not a perfect father or husband.  But if you asked them what I think of my wife, I know what they'd say: "My dad loves my mom."  Dads, you can't just take your children's mom for granted - your kids need to HEAR you express that love, and SEE that love expressed.  One day I want my boys, if they marry, to love their wife.  And I want my daughter, should she also marry, to find a man who treats her like a princess...  They'll best learn how to do that from me...

- Lesson #4: Time can never be recaptured.  My oldest son will become a teenager this December.  13 years later, I can honestly say this: I REMEMBER where most of that time went because I was THERE for him (along with my other 3 children).  Ministry is often about the wise allocation of time - knowing not only when to say yes, but when to say NO.  I love my church...but I refuse to sacrifice my family for my ministry.  I make it a point to INVEST time with my kids because I don't know how much I've got.  And I also know that once it's gone, it can never be recaptured...ever.  Dad, the same is true for you...

- Lesson #5: Proper discipline is a sign of love.  Dad, what would become of your home if there were no boundaries?  And dad, let me ask you this: do you think you'll be able to ONE DAY discipline your child, having not done so for their formative years while growing up as young children?  Maybe we've forgotten the powerful admonition of Hebrews 12:5-11 (The Message): "Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?

My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline,
    but don’t be crushed by it either.
It’s the child he loves that he disciplines;
    the child he embraces, he also corrects.

God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God."  Discipline, when done properly, is a sign of love.  Want to show your children how much you despise them?  Just let them do their own thing in life, with no repercussions...

- Lesson #6: Encouragement builds up a child.   There's a trend I see that bothers me: we're moving away from the idea of winning and losing.  We've become an "everyone gets a ribbon" type of society, in which a "Certificate of Participation" has become the norm.  Why?  We want to build up a child's self-esteem.  (Wise parents insert laughter here).  Dad, please hear this: that's not encouragement - that's called "patronizing."  Don't do that.  Some of the greatest lessons I learned in life was through losing...  Why?  Because of something called "encouragement."  Yes, when my kids fail, it hurts...  But, that opens up tremendous doors of opportunity to encouragement them.  Handing them a ribbon for failure doesn't help them.  It's when I recognize the moment, helping them see how they failed, and then helping them back on their feet...

(Stay tuned for part 2 - coming soon).  Mike